Is this wine?

I can’t really tell. We have a bottle of yellow tail riesling. I didn’t buy it, it was given to us. The only thing that makes me think it might be wine is that it’s in a wine bottle. But even that’s dubious, as I’m sure you could pee in a wine bottle, but that doesn’t make it wine.

On the nose, I get vanilla (how odd) and chemicals. There’s nothing else there. It’s a bright yellow color in the glass. (So maybe it really is pee in a bottle?) In the mouth it tastes like plastic fruit, like what I would imagine biting into one of those plastic display lemons that furniture stores are apt to place in bowls on dining room tables. The taste is really just kind of foul and I can’t get the lingering bit of plastic flowers/fruit out of my mouth. Otherwise, it’s simply bland.

I love riesling. Really, it started my love affair with wine. I think it’s an abomination to call this riesling. It has none of the flowers, or petrol or sweet light taste that rieslings often have. The color isn’t even right. All the rieslings I’ve ever had are very light in color, some are almost translucent. I made it through maybe half my glass before giving up.